Tired thoughts......

So, its currently 2:44am and here I sit at my computer, tweeting, tumbling, facebooking, etc. I dont know what it is that keeps me so glued to the computer. I am tired as all hell, just getting over being sick and have to get up in the morning. Yet, I still sit here, stare at the blurring monitor and keep right on doing whatever it is that I am doing.
I am supposed to be writing a novel, by the end of Nov. I am supposed to have written 50000 words, and its now Nov. 17th andI have 20 some thousand. Goal doesnt appear to be reachable right now. I am way behind schedule and I need to put in some good time writing, but what am I doing. Typing on here, about how i should be writing! WTF?!?!?!

Makes sense right?

I sit here, day after day, knowing how badly I want to really finish this, finish something big for the real first time in my life. It would be an amazing accomplishment for me, something that would make my family (especially my mother) extremely proud. But I still am talking to you people, if theres even anyone actually reading this!

THeres another thing. This novel, tons of people want to read it, and I know they do, cause theyve asked! But I have no clue if anyone really reads this stuff, and yet here I continue!

It all seems pretty ridiculous! ANd pointless! And stupid!

I could start going to bed at a decent time, and actualy have more time in my day, cause once those kids are in bed, I am tweeting, facebooking, and tumbling. But if I was sleeping, I could be up before 10 or 11 everyday! Maybe even find a REAL job! Once htat brings in money that I seem to want so bad! I say this, already knowing that tomorrow night, when I put my kids to bed at 9, that i am going to go straight to where I am right now. I am not going to climb in bed, I am not going to go to sleep. I am going to be right back here, tweeting, facebooking, and tumbling. What a waste of time, but its my connection to the real world, a world that I so rarely see, that I need that time to do those things. It may be sad, and it may not be reality, but its what keeps me sane!

So there, I just spent the last five minutes, talking myself into tweeting, facebooking, and tumbling at night, cause its what keeps me from running away from reality!

Random bullshit

Ok, so like, do you ever just feel like nothing can possibly go your way, or like your totally under appreciated? I have got to admit that I feel like this ALL THE TIME! I am a stay at home mom, who hasnt worked for 2 years. I have spoke about getting a job, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not ready to leave my kids. Yes, the money would help, but I would much rather I raise my kids, then someone else.
My husband usually seems like hes ok with it. USUALLY. But theres always those days that are rough on him and he needs somewhere to disperse his energy at. It usually ends up being me and my not working. Yes, there are days that i dont do anything around the house, but if there is something that drastically needs to be done, I handle it! I dont leave my kids unfed, unbathed, or unattended! I am always with them. Sometimes, its nice to just forget about house work and watch a movie on the couch with them! 

My biggest pet peeve about being a housewife, is money. With him bringing in all the money, I feel like I am getting an allowance or something. And if there is something I want to do, I have to ask to do it, and for hte money to do it. If its to expensive or interferes with my being wiht the kids while hes at work, he doesnt htink I should go. Which I find to be complete bullshit! We have people out the wazoo that would be more then willing to take our kids, hell, my mother in law LIVES with us! Please, I think she can watch the kids for a few hours! Not going to kill her! 

This blog probably doesnt really make sence cause im sick and just rambling after taking my meds but god, I needed to get this off of my chest! THanks for letting me vent....=D more to come later, im sure! 

<3 LynZ