Resolutions and all that jazz!

Ok, so for those that know me, know that before I had Kailee, I was extremely small. I weighed like, 120 pounds, and was pretty healthy! I had Kailee nearly 6 years ago. I have not lost the weight from when I had her, and then almost 3 years ago, I had my son. Who I gained even more weight from. I am currently at 190...thats 70 pounds heavier then I was before, nearly double! I have tried many many times to loose the weight, but have never succeeded!
I made a resolution to loose that weight, and at least 30 pounds of it, I want to be before this summer. I recently purchased an elliptical and a weight machine. I have been trying to use both, and to cut back on what I eat.
Heres my deal! My hubs is an AMAZING cook. He is always cooking something and I am used to eating pretty big helpings. So, lately I have been cutting back on my portions, and trying to eat healthier. I have cut back on soda and tea, and making up for that with water. I am going to start taking vitamins and start working on my metabolism by eating smaller meals more often.
I am hoping to complete my goal this time, and be back to pre-pregnancy weight before this time next year. Is 70 pounds in a year to much?? I dont know...
Other things I am trying to do, grow my hair out and get it back to being as long as it used to be.  After that I am going to be cutting, layering, and dying it. But nothing is 100 percent on what I am going to do. I have been looking at getting it permanately straightened, so I dont have to do it every morning. But that is not for sure yet.
Another thing I am working on is my skin. I am trying to get it cleared up, even toned, the works! If you have any advice on that, like what products to use or home remedies, I would greatly appreciate it!
The last thing, is my teeth. I was never really worried about them when I was younger, so now that I am older, they are not in the best of shape. I am going to be going to several appointments and getting them fixed. Not sure what all they will have to do, but something!
As I said, if anyone has any advice, ideas, etc I would love to hear them! =D Thanks for listening to me blabber!

Brick By Boring Brick excerpt

Trainwreck

I sat in my room, playing with strands of my hair, hoping my parents would be here soon. I hadn't seen them for roughly a month, only spoken with them on the phone twice in that time, and they had said they were ready. I had told them I was ready. Now that the day was actually here, I wasn't so sure. I had been here for a year! I had came here the summer after my sophmore year. God, what a horrible time that had been. I had thought things were going good, that the meds were working. How wrong I had been. After all that happened that summer, my parents thought it best to bring me here, Shadybrook. It was a mental health clinic. It was about 2 hours away from where we lived, in Seattle. My father Carlisle, was a very respected doctor, where my mom Esme, was the most wanted interior designer on the west coast. My brother Edward was what people called a musical genius, always having some kind of recital or practice to deal with.

I continued to play with my hair, finally hearing footsteps coming down the hall. I looked up, expecting it to be my parents, but instead it was my doctor. I stopped messing with my hair, knowing he would say something about it. I smiled, gesturing him to come into the room.

“Alexis, how are you doing today? Feeling any anxiety about going home?” he asked me, casually leaning against the desk on the other side of the room.
“Honestly, a little yeah. This is what I have been working towards, right? To be able to walk out of here, go home and lead as normal a life as possible. Now, I have that chance, and I am so scared. Scared that I am just going to ruin it.”
“Alexis, there is no ruining it. You just go home and take it a day at a time. You may have set backs, thats understandable. Its going to be completely different then being here. Your going to start school in a couple of weeks, take these next few weeks to try and reconnect with old friends, maybe even make new ones! Spend this time reconnecting with your family! That is going to be the most important part. I know that you have kept in touch through technology and their visits, but this is going to be different, you will be around each other constantly. You are going to be relearning who these people are. Remember, as much as you have changed over the past year, they have probably changed just as much.”

We talked for a few more minutes, when I heard the distinct sound of my mother Jimmy Choos in the hallway. A smile grew on my face, as she turned the corner. I jumped off my bed, running to her. We collided, holding onto each other for our lives. No matter what had happened in the last couple years, my mother had always been there. Her belief in me had never wavered, when otheres had. She was my rock! She kissed my forehead, standing back to look at me.

“The amount of meat on your bones would feed no one! Have to change that at home wont we?” she asked me, a smile on her face.
“Mom, where is everyone?” I asked, expecting that they all would have come.
“Don't worry, Lex, their here. They are downstairs. Alice is going through your suitcases, grabbing anything that she feels shouldn't come home with you, Edward is putting as much of the luggage in the trailer, and your father is signing paper work. They all came. Lets grab your bag and head downstairs.” she said, placing her arm around me.

I grabbed my bag and we left the room.

Rough draft of prologue for "Misguided Ghosts"

I stood there, knowing what they wanted me to do, but not knowing what I was going to do. My body was refusing to coroporate and my mind had been shut off for days. I could feel the eyes on me, waiting so that we could move on. It had been hard enough to get them to allow me to be involved in this part. The people handling this, they werent very close with any of them, so there for, really didnt know how involved I was. How much my life was intertwined with theirs. But none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that I get this over with, so that we could head back. I let the dirt sift in my fingers, still not ready to give it up, still not ready to admit that this was even happening. In my head all I could think was, 'How could you do this to me? All of you? Really?' But I knew it was no use. Suddenly, as if things werent bad enough, I heard someone clear their throat, like they were trying to rush me. Are you fucking serious right now? Your going to try and rush me through this? Your going to take away my last goodbye? God, how did I not realize that the rest of them were ass-hats and there was a reason they werent around that much? As I let the dirt go from hand to hand, I saw the light reflect off my left hand, which just squeezed my heart a little bit more. I had only had the ring for a few days now but it was already null in void. Looking up, I could see the impatience in nearly everyones eyes. Scanning the crowd, I spotted a man, my age roughly, standing towards the back. He looked extremely familiar, but I couldnt put a name to the face. I looked away, knowing that I needed to do something. I couldnt just stand up here all day, keeping everyone waiting. So, with a last look down at the ground, I let the dirt fall from my fingers, and listened as it gently hit the coffin, my tears falling like rain with no outlook of clearing up.

Fandom, fanatics, and CRAZIES!

Ok, so those of you that really know me, know that I am a huge All Time Low fan. I love these guys for so many reasons, and I would honestly do just about anything to see them in concert, meet them, whatever!
I am a fanatic for them, but I dont cross the line over to a crazy, a creeper, or a stalker! I dont feel that I know these people, I dont feel that they owe me anything! They are just a group of guys, doing what they love, whether they are famous or not! Just because they are now considered famous, does not give anyone the right to intrude on their personal life, does not give them the right to judge them, does not give them the right to hate someone just because they are a part of their life and you are not! 
Today on twitter, a girl posted a pic of a certain girl and a certain boy. The girl, a girlfriend of the lead singer, the boy the guitarist and best friend to said lead singer. This girl was in a compromising position, making it appear as if bad things were or had happened. There is someone else in the picture, but you cant really see who this person is. My thing is, what right do you have to post this pic. Just because its somewhere on the internet, does not mean that it is fair game! This girl requested that it be taken down, because she didnt want people to think that something really had happened. I believe that nothing did, cause if something had, why would the lead singer still be with her, and why would he still be best friends with the guitarist? But either way, its not us fans' life, its not our relationship, its not our band! 
The pic was taken down, the girl was apologized to. It was an error in judgement and she corrected the mistake. But this leads me to think of things that people do to people that are in relationships with famous people. These people are instantly hated, cause they have what the rest of the world wishes they could have! Look at when said guitarist and a lady from another band were dating/more then friends. This girl, even though she was famous as well, was hated on! She is a lovely girl, that I have met, and deserves non of this! Shes just lucky enough to be in  a position to meet said guitarist! I have met this guitarist, and he is a great guy, ANy girl that does end up wtih him, is a lucky lucky lady! I would love a chance to be that girl, but alas, I am a happily married lady, and until I kidnap him and change my life completely, I am happy with just being able to enjoy the music. 
The music is the most important part in all of this. These people write these amazing songs, that are so relate able, that you sometimes cant help but feel like this band knows you, understands you, and wants to be your best friend.  The reason it seems this way, is cause they are just normal people, that go through the same things that other 21 years old have gone through! They werent always famous, might not always be, but to us ATL fans, they will always have a place in our hearts.
I know this is all one big blur, one big ramble on. I don't put my thoughts into words very well, especially if I have to say it out loud. But thats why I LOVE this site. I can just ramble on and on, and it doesn't matter if you understand or not, cause I ALWAYS feel better for getting stuff off of my chest. I will have another blog in the next few days about the move and Christmas, since I have been slacking, maybe some story excerpts as well! Enjoy!!

p.s. I hold no ill feelings towards anyone, I just wish that people would respect others. 

Tired thoughts......

So, its currently 2:44am and here I sit at my computer, tweeting, tumbling, facebooking, etc. I dont know what it is that keeps me so glued to the computer. I am tired as all hell, just getting over being sick and have to get up in the morning. Yet, I still sit here, stare at the blurring monitor and keep right on doing whatever it is that I am doing.
I am supposed to be writing a novel, by the end of Nov. I am supposed to have written 50000 words, and its now Nov. 17th andI have 20 some thousand. Goal doesnt appear to be reachable right now. I am way behind schedule and I need to put in some good time writing, but what am I doing. Typing on here, about how i should be writing! WTF?!?!?!

Makes sense right?

I sit here, day after day, knowing how badly I want to really finish this, finish something big for the real first time in my life. It would be an amazing accomplishment for me, something that would make my family (especially my mother) extremely proud. But I still am talking to you people, if theres even anyone actually reading this!

THeres another thing. This novel, tons of people want to read it, and I know they do, cause theyve asked! But I have no clue if anyone really reads this stuff, and yet here I continue!

It all seems pretty ridiculous! ANd pointless! And stupid!

I could start going to bed at a decent time, and actualy have more time in my day, cause once those kids are in bed, I am tweeting, facebooking, and tumbling. But if I was sleeping, I could be up before 10 or 11 everyday! Maybe even find a REAL job! Once htat brings in money that I seem to want so bad! I say this, already knowing that tomorrow night, when I put my kids to bed at 9, that i am going to go straight to where I am right now. I am not going to climb in bed, I am not going to go to sleep. I am going to be right back here, tweeting, facebooking, and tumbling. What a waste of time, but its my connection to the real world, a world that I so rarely see, that I need that time to do those things. It may be sad, and it may not be reality, but its what keeps me sane!

So there, I just spent the last five minutes, talking myself into tweeting, facebooking, and tumbling at night, cause its what keeps me from running away from reality!

Random bullshit

Ok, so like, do you ever just feel like nothing can possibly go your way, or like your totally under appreciated? I have got to admit that I feel like this ALL THE TIME! I am a stay at home mom, who hasnt worked for 2 years. I have spoke about getting a job, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not ready to leave my kids. Yes, the money would help, but I would much rather I raise my kids, then someone else.
My husband usually seems like hes ok with it. USUALLY. But theres always those days that are rough on him and he needs somewhere to disperse his energy at. It usually ends up being me and my not working. Yes, there are days that i dont do anything around the house, but if there is something that drastically needs to be done, I handle it! I dont leave my kids unfed, unbathed, or unattended! I am always with them. Sometimes, its nice to just forget about house work and watch a movie on the couch with them! 

My biggest pet peeve about being a housewife, is money. With him bringing in all the money, I feel like I am getting an allowance or something. And if there is something I want to do, I have to ask to do it, and for hte money to do it. If its to expensive or interferes with my being wiht the kids while hes at work, he doesnt htink I should go. Which I find to be complete bullshit! We have people out the wazoo that would be more then willing to take our kids, hell, my mother in law LIVES with us! Please, I think she can watch the kids for a few hours! Not going to kill her! 

This blog probably doesnt really make sence cause im sick and just rambling after taking my meds but god, I needed to get this off of my chest! THanks for letting me vent....=D more to come later, im sure! 

<3 LynZ

Musical Thoughts....

So, for those that know me, they know how big a part of my life that music is. Its always playing...whether it be full blast, light background music, or just something on the tv. I have to have music. I have been taking some sort of lessons since kindergarten, and my next step is to learn to play guitar, and maybe some piano.

I always have a "favorite"song. This song is something that just....sings to me. It may not have anything to do with anything in my life, but there is something about it, that I just cant explain. I have two of those songs right now.

The first, is Remembering Sunday. Its a solo song by the lead singer of All Time Low, Alex Gaskarth and the lead singer of Automatic Loveletter Juliet Simms. Its a simple song. Some guitar, some drums, but nothing to heavy until just before Juliet starts singing. She sings a short little solo, singing her heart out! She overlaps one simple version, with a more emotional version, of hte girl that had to leave. This song is simply described as a man looking for that one girl, that girl that touched him, that he loved more then anything, and he cant, shes gone. Then, they give the girl the chance to say something, and she explains why they can never be, why she had to leave, then to close, the boy gives up. Like I said, a simple song, but with a extremely deep insight.

The next song, is Paramores All I wanted. This song, simply gives me chills. Hayley Williams voice is something I could listen to for days. If I had to choose one artist/band to listen to for the rest of my life, I could instantly select Paramore and never be dissapointed. But this is one song, that when I first heard it, I knew that it was going to become a staple on my iPod. It gets played over and over, and I never tire. It once again, is a simple song. Just some guitar to begin with, and her voice. I love songs like this. It eventually adds drums, picks up the tempo, but her voice continues to haunt you. The best part, is when its just her at 2:40 All the music dies, the backtrack goes completely silent, and shes sings, "All I Wanted was You" and its just her. No piano, no guitar, no drums, no backup vocals. It is simply the best vocal work I have ever heard! Even if your not a Paramore, alternative music fan, you will appreciate this bar.

Its all something you have to hear though. I could sit here for hours and spit out why I love these two songs, these two groups. But until you hear it for yourself and actually hear what I am talking about, you will never understand!

SSOOOOO, that being said, get the songs, listen to them. Then, tell me what you think! Am I spot on, or am I full of shit?? lol...please, comment!

As always,

♥ LynZ

p.s. I have included an alternative version of Remembering Sunday, thats sort of hard to find. Its still All Time Low but instead of Juliet Simms, this time, it features Kate Voegele. Her version is a little bit smoother, but still just as beautiful. The live version, on Alex's part, is amazing. I love the rifts and note changes that he includes with this, make sure and check it out!

Update.....

So...I did this back in May, to have somewhere to just purge everything I was thinking. Then I forgot I had it! A friend of mine started one up, and it made me remember! So, I am back! I am actually going to use this though. I am going to post at least once a week, random thoughts, musical lyrics, and stuff that I have written for stories and my novel. I hope it holds your interest for a few minutes! lol....dont have much else to say, but I hope you enjoy! I know i will!! =D ♥LynZ

First Blog ever....hmm...what should I BLOG about!

So, I have never done anything like this. Not really sure what I am supposed to even talk about. I guess I should introduce myself.
I am a 24 soon to be 25 year old married mother of 2.
I have been married for 4 years, and I have been with him for six years. He is an amazing man, who I love dearly. Of course, we have our problems, what couple doesnt?
I have a 4 yr old soon to be 5 next month little girl. She is everything a 5 year and a 15 year old should be. She is defiant, bossy, bitchy, sweet, and so thoughtful! Its crazy how she can be so many different things, usually at the same time, but she does. She is a gorgeous little girl, and will definitely grow into a beautiful woman. She will have boys beating down the door, unfortunately for her father and I.
My son, my son just turned 2. It was probably one of the hardest day for me so far as a mother. This little guy, wasnt supposed to live. We were told on Valentines day of 2007 that he would most likely not making it after delivery. He did make it though, and he turned out to be perfectly healthy! The things that they thought would be a problem, were NOT a problem at all. Him celebrating his 2nd birthday, was like a huge victory for our family. This little guy, he is adventurous, strong, a fighter. He makes me laugh every day, so hard sometimes that I cry.
I am currently a stay at home mom, but I am hoping to return to work soon. Just part time, something to bring in a little extra cash to help out around home. My husband is an electrician that works the later shift! It sucks for us, but its going to be nice once I start working, cause I will be working in the earlier hours.
I dont really know what else there is to tell you. I am an aspiring writer, just doing fanfic and fictionpress stuff right now, but do hope to someday write a book. Not really sure what I want to write about, hence just writing for fun right now.
I dont really know what else to write for now. If you want to know anything, ask. Im an open book...wait open BLOG! lol....anyway! Hope you enjoyed...i dont know how often I will get to do this, but I hope its often!